Families

Three Hearts of the Holy Family Ministry is a community of the domestic churches of St Thomas Aquinas University Parish. Our mission is to strengthen the bonds between our families, which will in turn strengthen our Parish community as a whole. By providing support to families through the sacraments, prayer, service and fellowship, Three Hearts of the Holy Family Ministry is where the Church and the domestic church come together to nurture and encourage the spiritual growth of our families.  

As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.”
-St. John Paul 

We’ve spent seven months together in our temporary “church”, and it’s been full of blessings and challenges. For the next few weeks, we will feature this “Parents’ Corner” with Mass-time tips to support parents of little ones.

PART 1

Come to Mass more often! Can you fit one weekday Mass into your week? Weekday Masses are usually quite a bit shorter, easier for children to be quiet or, when they are old enough, attentive, and give you an extra dose of sacramental grace to support you through the week. The more familiar the church is for a small child, the more he or she will be able to recognize it as "a quiet place".Some of our oldest parishioners are struggling to hear during the Mass.

Sometimes a babbling or crying little one can make hearing impossible. If you’re blessed with one of these little ones (especially when they’re at an age where it’s hard for them to learn a “quiet voice”), perhaps sit near one of the back side doors so you can duck in and out as toddler chattiness requires. Your efforts are not a nuisance or a distraction, but the sign of attentive parents working hard to teach young children.

Location, location, location! There are pros and cons to the spot you choose. The front pews are a great place for children to engage and focus on the Mass! At the same time, you’re right in the front line of the celebrant’s view. Swinging or hopping or dancing or passing directly in front of the altar can disorient the celebrant, and even make him forget what he’s saying. Additionally, gymnastics at the front are caught on camera and shown in the overflow rooms! Perhaps sitting in the front can be a reward for children who are demonstrating the ability to sit still, follow the Mass, and be patient with the parts that seem to go over their heads.

Know that you have the prayerful support of the friars and the lay staff. In fact, most of the lay staff have or have had little children. This is a tough, loud, wiggly, distracted time for you spiritually. If you’re feeling defeated and haven’t been able to be attentive at Mass in years, know that your efforts to pass on the Faith to your children are the fitting and perfect fulfillment of your station in life as parents! Know too that there is a lot of empathy for you in the pews.

To all our Parishioners: This week, say a special prayer for every Parent who missed half the Mass AGAIN because of children.

PART 2

As we prepare for our new church, we want to embrace this time and renew the “culture” of our church, increasing devotion to Our Lord, reverence for sacred space, and consideration for all in the pews. In this day and age, it is sadly not uncommon to see all sorts of inappropriate behavior in church: games or other electronic distractions, secular toys and books, food and drink, and running, jumping, climbing—activity suited to a playground, not the House of God. We appreciate your efforts and loving consideration of your neighbors.

Baby with a one-track mind and a loud voice? Start whispering the prayers of the Mass in the baby’s ear. If everyone in your pew is whispering, the baby will eventually start whispering too. A whispering adult conveys wonder, and captures the curiosity and interest of a toddler—even for a moment! That’s the first step in building the foundation for a “quiet voice”. The parishioners are all together in a relatively small space, and the sound of one relentless little voice can actually drown out a lot of the Mass. Know that your efforts are very much appreciated!

Set boundaries. A toddler who is mastering whispering in church can still feel constrained by physical limits. Give the little one a two chair spread to move back and forth. The children will learn, like they would in a pack and play or any other area, that there is a permitted place for quiet play.

Baby meltdown, or a baby who hates nursing covers? The non-overflow classrooms offer nice quiet places for nursing and regaining infant composure.

If the baby or toddler is having a particularly hard time staying quiet, perhaps take some time quietly in the link, walking, whispering, and encouraging baby whispers too. An hour is a long time for the littlest ones to be quiet, but through slow and steady practice, they can learn that this space requires something different and special. Be patient with the children and with yourself—some children and some ages are more vocal than others. You’re in the trenches! Don’t be surprised if in the first two years of a child’s life you spend most of your Mass-time meandering through the link. But know that this hard work is building a vital foundation for faith, discipline, and piety!

To all our Parishioners: This week, say a special prayer for the Parents who didn’t get any sleep last night because of a teething infant.

PART 3

Explain the Mass in whispers: “Look at what Father's doing! Oh, oh, oh, he's lifting the Chalice now!” “Do you see Brother?” “What color are they wearing today?” “Oh, look at the candles. Can you blow them out?” “Here comes the miracle!” “He said BEHOLD! BEHOLD means LOOK!”

A child who can sit still but can't read can sketch quietly on a pad of paper during the Readings and the Homily. You can also try your hand at illustrating the readings. Old Testament stick figures can be wonderfully absorbing for a three- or four-year-old.

Be careful about putting down the toddler. They’re speedy, and using the aisles as a racetrack is another of those very distracting temptations for little ones. Baby carriers are a great way to take the strain off your back. Trading off between two parents is another useful tactic.

Avoid toys, especially loud ones. It helps to have a Church bag with special books (or borrow some from our Mass-time lending library), soft (non-rattling) Rosaries, or, for the very little ones, a little favorite stuffed friend. (Warning: saint peg dolls, thrown at the correct angle and velocity, can roll rapidly across from one end of the hall to the other.)

Make a mandatory bathroom visit part of your pre-Mass routine! This applies to older children too. It doesn’t hurt to remind them that, if they need to leave the church every single homily or every single Eucharistic Prayer, they can plan ahead, stay in their seats, and give a good example of patience and stillness for younger children.

You can sign up for the Daily Readings via the USCCB—and they provide audio! This is a huge blessing when you don’t expect to hear much during the Readings at Mass. Youtube tracks of the Rosary can give you baseline serenity in prayer to sustain you throughout the day.

Remember: your children aren’t the "Church of the Future"; they’re members of the Church NOW. And all of your efforts are helping to imprint upon their minds and hearts a lasting and deep reliance on all that Christ’s Church gives to each of us.

Non-parent parishioners: If you aren’t coming with babes in arms and toddlers at your ankles, please consider moving to the middle of the row of seats. By offering up your aisle seat, you could help a mother or father with little ones escape quickly and without having to crawl over (and annoy) the whole row. This week, say a special prayer for parents who might have forgotten how dearly loved they are by God.

— Eleanor Nicholson, Director of Religious Education

Congratulations! You are some of the hardest-working ministers of Christ’s Church! Every day you live out the call to spread the Gospel of Christ. Every day you live out most of the corporal works of mercy (especially feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, clothing the naked, sheltering the homeless, and visiting the sick–visiting the imprisoned too, when you hug that toddler in timeout!).

In parenting, we have a special opportunity to join Christ in the carrying of His Cross–His experience of profound joy, united with the heroic generosity of a life of sacrifice. To help support you, we offer the following:

• Don’t forget Tertia Pars, the Lay Dominican bookstore (near the kitchen), and Sycamore Tree, which is just down the street.

• A few cool “Catholic mom blogs” you might want to check out: Two Os Plus More, Surviving Our Blessings, Molly Makes Do, Catholic All Year.

• Mothers: Have you checked out the “Charlottesville Catholic Moms” group? Email for details!

• Fathers: Email if you want an introduction to our “Men’s Groups”!

• Our follow-on coloring book, The Hound of the Lord, celebrating the life of Saint Dominic de Guzman, the founder of the Order of Preachers!

• A great resource for fun and learning about our patron, Saint Thomas Aquinas: The Ox Who Bellowed, our self-produced coloring book biography of the Angelic Doctor, presents the story of Saint Thomas Aquinas as told by “Torch”, the Dominican Hound. Learn wonderful details of the life of this great saint–why his family imprisoned him, why he was called “the dumb ox”, what Jesus said to him from the Cross–and have all of the fun of coloring in our spunky canine narrator (and the saint too)!

• Two really great Catholic preschool programs: 26 Letters to Heaven and Catholic Icing.

• The sacraments: please do bring your children to Mass (weekday Masses are especially great for little people!). Our Quick Guide of the Mass for Parents of Young Children is available in the link.

• Our prayers. (Most of the RE/Youth Ministry team and the lay staff have or have had small children…so we empathize with your joys and your tears!)